Grounding Anchors
When we are really struggling, we need to “drop an anchor”
“Mindfulness means being awake. It means knowing what you are doing.”
Grounding and mindfulness are not primarily about relaxation, happiness, or stopping unwanted thoughts & feelings. Staying grounded keeps us mindful and aware of our thoughts & feelings, allowing us to take them lightly and respond with curiosity or compassion. This reduces their influence on our ability to be effective in our daily lives (“behaving like the person we want to be”, living in accordance to our true personal values even when things are tough). Before rushing into what grounding is, first understand what it’s for.
Misusing Mindfulness
Consider what an anchor does: it protects the ship by keeping it steady and grounded, not by literally gaining control of the storm and artificially stopping it. Thoughts & feelings, like storms, will just come and go on their own. If we expect grounding (or any form of coping) to immediately or completely stop anxiety, anger, or depression, we create unrealistic expectations that lead to unnecessary disappointment and resistance. Our over-protective problem solver (the mind) will quickly conclude [grounding, mindfulness, therapy, meditation, breathing, walking, exercise] “doesn’t work!” If we take this literally, it diminishes motivation to keep trying while increasing motivation to just “do what’s fastest, easiest, familiar, and proven to control these feelings; don’t worry about your goals or values today, that’s tomorrow’s problem”.
In the modern world, we have quick and easy access to an “endless” amount of potent ways to artificially control our feelings with little to no effort or stress to gain the reward or pleasure: alcohol, sugar, vaping, video games, staying in bed/on couch, all while swiping/pulling to refresh for hours on social media, shopping apps, crypto, online gambling (this swiping/pulling movement is like a modern day slot machine for pleasure and distraction, except it’s ALWAYS within reach or in our hands). It is now so easy to control our feelings that we have no opportunity to strengthen our resilience around them or understand what they are communicating to us. Instead, this compulsively reinforces “stop this feeling if it ever surfaces: it is only bad and has no value”. When our primary motivation is just to stop feeling bad or keep feeling good, control/avoidance/numbing eventually takes over the things we truly care about. This simultaneously makes our problems worse while impairing our ability to solve them.
Grounding/mindfulness is for the mind as walking/stretching is for the body. The benefits are not immediate and require consistent long-term commitment. Doing these things only when we feel motivated or bad enough will never amount to long-term change and improvement. We cannot wait to feel motivated, interested, or inspired to commit to any change. Being grounded means we stop debating with the mind when it says, “this is too hard, this sucks, I’m bored, when will I feel better, can’t I just start tomorrow?” — we just commit to the things that serve our values, not only pleasure. Grounding helps us strengthen our resilience around difficult feelings that show up when we are working on our goals. Consider how a tree + wind (stress/friction) + time = very strong, grounded tree.
Grounding will not always lead to instantly feeling “GOOD” but that’s not the point! This is about turning autopilot off and reclaiming what control we do have: steadying ourselves (our attention and actions) through the necessary time and friction it takes to grow, handling things and acting like the person we truly want to be (especially when we are struggling). When the storm has settled, we commit to building a life based on our true values (not just pleasure, power, or popularity). We become more flexible and effective when life is difficult while strengthening our ability to fully experience, appreciate, and relax when life is calm. Later, this results in actually “FEELING” good longer.
Elements of Grounding
✋🏼 Slowing (attention, mind, body)
👀 Noticing (open, curious acknowledgement)
🧘🏻 Acceptance (not futilely trying to control internal or external experiences you have no real control over, letting it be)
🌎 Connection (getting out of your head to engage with the moment, your senses, your body, your surroundings, other people, and your values)
❤️ Refocusing (committing to choices that are truly helpful and meaningful, even when they are currently more difficult and less instantly gratifying than the “familiar, quicker, easier” alternatives that keep you stuck)
ACE
⚓︎
ACE, developed by Dr. Russ Harris, is a simple and complete grounding and anchoring technique:
💭 ACKNOWLEDGE your thoughts & feelings
Adopt the stance of a scientist, curiously observing what’s going on in your inner world. Silently and kindly acknowledge whatever is ‘showing up’ inside you. “I notice I am having the thought or feeling of…”
Thoughts, memories, urges
Feelings, emotions, sensations
🧘🏻 COME BACK into your body
Get out your head and connect with your physical body, not trying to turn away, avoid, escape, or distract from what is happening in your inner world. Slowly…
Push feet firmly into the floor
Straighten back/spine or sit upright
Press fingertips together
Stretch arms, neck, shrug shoulders
Breathe in, hold, and slowly breathe out
👀 ENGAGE in where you are & what you are doing
Get a sense of where you are and what you are doing. First, engage your surroundings by describing some observations (not opinions) about:
👁️ 5 things you see
👂🏼 4 things you hear
🫲🏼 3 things you feel or touch
👃🏼 2 things you smell
👅 1 taste in your mouth
Finally: notice what you are doing. Align your actions back to your values.
STOP
🛑
STOP is a comprehensive grounding technique to “hit the brakes” and refocus your direction in a more meaningful, flexible, and helpful way. Noticing is meant strengthen the ability to view and describe things as they are (rather than attaching personal opinions and assumptions):
✋🏼 STOP what you are doing right now
Even if you are having the thought or feeling of “I do not feel like it, don’t have time for it, or that it won’t work fast or strong enough”—STOP!
😮💨 TAKE a step back + “20-second" breath”
Breathe in for 5 seconds
Hold for 7 seconds
Slowly breathe out for 8 seconds
🔎 OBSERVE external & internal experience
Notice… Where are you?
What is the current situation/problem?
What is your mind telling you right now (thoughts/urges)?
What emotions/bodily sensations do you feel right now?
🧭 PROCEED toward values
Willingly and mindfully commit to actions that are…
Realistic (you currently have the opportunity + abilities/resources to do it)
Meaningful (aligned with values/goals: moving closer to who we really want to be, especially in the face of adversity)
Specific (don’t be vague: what exactly will you do next, right now?)
With what attitude or mindset? Openly, willingly, mindfully, curiously, compassionately, proudly, authentically, vulnerably… Or not!
This action does not need to be anything big or significant at first. When we are really struggling to stay steady and connected to our values, “the next thing” might only need to be “another 20-sec breath, dropping another anchor, walking in the sun, talking to someone, journaling, listening to music, or slowly drinking cold water”. These smaller actions improve our ability to get back to important things, start new things, or prevent us from continuing to do things that are keeping us stuck and suffering.
Yellow Red Green Light
🚦
This comes from the model presented in Understanding Patterns (it was very intentional to display “thoughts > feelings > response” as yellow, red, and green). It uses the idea of a “traffic light/signal” to stay grounded when you inevitably encounter difficult situations or feelings.
Instead of just running through “intersections” (acting too quickly/impulsively, jumping to conclusions) or “getting stuck at a green light” (avoiding things we can improve, letting our minds tell us it’s “too hard or not worth it”), it is wise to slow down and pay attention before we proceed:
🤔 YELLOW LIGHT: THINKING
When you have enough distance from the intersection (situation/problem), start slowing down to notice, watch, and examine your thinking.
Notice, label, or write what your mind is saying about this situation or problem (thoughts, beliefs, assumptions, predictions, urges, rules/expectations, “shoulds”).
😶 Red Light: Feelings
Once you have slowed to a “stop” (aware of thoughts), notice how this thinking is affecting how you feel. Describe and label these emotions and feelings. Where or how do they appear in the body?
As you are at a stop, sit with your feelings (as they come and go on their own) without acting on the urge to change it or act on it quickly (“running red light” = relapse/regression → more problems → more relapse/regression = stuck/suffering). Steady yourself as you are, where you are: breathe in, hold, breathe out; use your senses to notice where you are, what you see, hear, feel, smell, and taste.
🙂 Green Light: Response
Proceed! Consider whether the direction you take and how you drive (your actions or response) will move you and your life closer to your true personal values (sometimes the path that is “further, uphill, bumpier”) or if it moves you further away from who you truly want to be (quick temporary relief at the cost of long-term stagnation and suffering).
RAIN
🌧️
RAIN, created by Dr. Tara Brach, practices mindfulness and compassion:
☹️ RECOGNIZE that you’re having a tough time
It might be as simple as saying, “I’m noticing and recognizing that I am having a tough time and I am feeling anxious.”
🧘🏻 ALLOW the experience to be there, just as it is, giving ourselves permission to have the feeling
Make space it for rather than struggle with it or trying to control it (like pushing a ball down into the water and trying to hold it underneath water: it will just come up and sometimes even bigger). Let it come, stay, and go on its own time.
🔍 INVESTIGATE the feeling or thought with openness and curiosity
Once you have enough space from your experience, you can explore it in a productive, insightful manner: “How does the anxiety feel in my body?”, “What do I need?”, “What is it showing me I care about or value?”, “What is the function or purpose of this feeling?”.
🥰 NURTURE ourselves with compassion
Be gentle and kind to yourself as you would with others you care about. Offer yourself what you need, to open up to self-care, taking breaks, or kindly accepting and being guided by painful thoughts/feedback (but not being defined by them or constantly pushing away necessary feedback to grow or improve).
When are grounded, we are more capable of effectively filtering or making use of our thoughts & feelings. This is the best time to be able to step back and modify our mind’s perception of reality.